It’s the inevitable every horse owner must eventually face. Losing a horse can feel like losing a big piece of your heart or a cherished family member. There’s no way around grief, but there are steps you can take to properly mourn the loss of your horse and eventually make peace with the situation in a healthy way. Here are some likely feelings one may experience when grieving the loss of a horse.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a response to the loss of someone you’ve built a strong connection with. It’s a unique experience for each individual, so no two people grieve exactly the same. Grief is transformative, as it allows you to reflect on your horse’s many gifts to then help their legacy live on through you. Since most horse owners build a strong connection with their horses, it’s perfectly normal to experience some, or all of the five stages of grief.
The five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Let’s take a look at each of these stages to have a better idea of what to expect during each one:
Denial
Often the first reaction to grief, denial may be experienced before or after your horse passes. It’s important to understand denial is our subconscious mind’s way of blocking out the initial pain of grief, so we can properly process it. If we were to feel all the emotions from losing a horse at once, it would be too much to handle.
From an outside perspective, denial may appear in phrases that often sound like a refusal to accept the reality of what has happened. This can be difficult for one to recognize on their own, which is why it’s important to have friends and family who you can talk your feelings out with.
Anger
This stage of grief can be hard on everyone affected by the loss of your horse. You may lash out on close friends and family members, become frustrated with yourself, and show resentment toward your horse for leaving you. Remember not to be too hard on yourself or anyone else experiencing anger during this difficult time, it is only temporary and your loved ones understand your pain.
Bargaining
Full of “what if” and “if only” thoughts, bargaining is your mind’s way of dealing with circumstances beyond your control. It may feel as if you could’ve done something differently to save your horse, but the reality is, death is often out of your control. It’s helpful to talk through these thoughts with a loved one so they can reassure you that you are not at fault, even if it’s tough to understand that right now.
Depression
At this point, this new reality may seem a bit heavy. You may worry about any lingering expenses associated with your horse. You might feel as if you’re neglecting your other horses while processing this loss. Feeling empty or uncertain about a life without your horse is perfectly normal, too. Some days, getting out of bed might even be a struggle. With all the changes that come with losing a horse, it’s absolutely reasonable to experience a period of depression. Just remember depression is not forever, nor is it uncommon, and you will find happiness again.
Acceptance
It’s at this stage where you may start coming to terms with your new reality, one without your horse. Acceptance is no cure-all, and it certainly won’t happen overnight. But over time, you will begin to figure out what a life without your horse entails.
Once you’ve accepted the truth, you can start to live again! You may think about riding again, or adjusting your daily routine with your other horses to better fit your needs. If you no longer have a horse, you might consider joining a community where you can still be involved with the equestrian life. Every step you take to feel more “yourself” at this time will benefit you greatly.
Grieving the loss of a horse has no designated time frame, and it often hits us surprisingly hard. But with support from your loved ones and dedication to working through this process, you can eventually make peace with the situation and live a fulfilling life with your horse forever with you, in your heart.
